It's the most creative time of the year in PR: the awards season.

We're desperately trying to cobble together entries that demonstrate at least some sort of positive results for our clients. A tall order at the best of times, as evaluating PR effectively is about as likely as finding a Friends of Fresh & Easy loyalty card holder in California.

Anyhow, Karoline (with a K) has issued one of her diktats: we must win something this year or no Christmas party. As the annual embarrass-o-disco-booze-fest is the only thing that makes the rest of the year tolerable, this is a serious threat.

In the end, we realise we have failed to achieve any coverage in any News International title for the past year and turn this to our advantage as a deliberate, principled CSR stance. We're now a shoo-in for the PRCA Awards (a kind of Blue Square league version of The Grocer Marketing, Advertising and PR Awards).

Karoline's mood is not improved by the culling of Twiggy as M&S frontwoman. She feels she was overlooked as the face of the swinging sixties some 45 years ago and has longed for the opportunity to step into the stick-thin icon's shoes ever since.

"Darling, I'm twice the woman she will ever be," says K. Which is almost literally true. More like three times by now.

Things brighten with some surprise news: "Lorraine Chase is taking over from Jamie at JS. Ghastly woman, but I can drink Campari and talk Luton if I have to," she says, cryptically. Beware star-struck agency heads.

Mr P, our indefatigable but appalling local retailer, is worth a mini-series of his own. He agrees with The Grocer's assessment of Independents' Day.

"All my customers expressed their independence by staying away," he says. At least he's not yet as desperate as a Fresh & Easy manager.

More from this column