It is with a jaundiced eye that I approach this week’s news, but I’m immediately cheered by an old favourite, so obviously bogus, that it’s almost reassuring. Regular readers will know that top of the long list of duff PR ideas that won’t go away - jostling with novelty sandwiches and threatened product recipe changes - is the spurious insurance policy. Step forward ready meal magnate Charlie Bigham, who has supposedly insured various of his senses for £12m. That this is a shameless publicity stunt executed by a PR agency bereft of ideas is, of course, obvious. But it’s delivered with enough chutzpah to make you forget to wonder why anyone would care if Charlie B actually did lose all his senses.

I also discover that Saturday night’s live-on-TV protest at the existence of Simon Cowell was actually staged by the British Egg Information Service. They are confident this stunt will be more effective in boosting egg sales than the past 30 years of lacklustre omelette recipes (their usual fare) as people attempt to replicate it every time Cowell appears.

That, like him, Britain’s retailers have no shame is neatly summed up by this quote from the BRC on the emerging row over low-price banana sales: “Retailers will invest in these promotions themselves and make sure suppliers get a sustainable price.” You can almost hear them dancing in the streets with joy in Colombia.

And finally, closer to home, can I just offer suitors a tip? Serving prosecco instead of Champagne is never, ever, under any circumstances, acceptable. Even if you think it’s a trendy way to tap into recession chic. Which is why last Friday’s date was the first and last.