Chocolate propagandists have been in overdrive this week, pumping out dodgy PR designed to cast a golden glow over their carb-packed countlines. Lots of papers fell for the ‘chocolate can stave off dementia’ line unveiled on Tuesday. All in the P&F office are sceptical about this, based on the empirical evidence of our own human trial, Karoline (with a K). She stuffs in confectionery (Double Deckers mainly - oddly retro for someone who claims to be at the cutting edge) like the rest of us kiss boys, ie after a drink, often and at length, and with no thought for the consequences. And she is plainly bonkers (or ‘bonkerz’ as is the post-Olympic fashion).
Still, better senility than death by lipstick, as wished on the entire female population by the Mail. Triclosan is the chemical culprit that will apparently turn your muscles to stone quicker than a glance from a Bulgarian woman shot-putter. We’re always recommending the Mail to clients targeting women, but it’s a bit odd that so many choose to continue to be abused by it. Karoline spots an opportunity akin to the ‘asbestos - it’s our children’s future’ campaign she used to run. Women for Triclosan is formed overnight as a front organisation for various chemical suppliers, demanding increased use of their entirely benign additive wherever possible.
In the meantime, everyone in the company has been instructed to do all of their shopping at 9.30am on Sundays in a number of supposedly secret test stores around London to help prove the case for longer opening hours. I do my stint on the way home from a Saturday night out with the Ukrainian water polo team. Fifty-seven different words for vodka and all of them sound rather sexy.