Sorry charity sweeties, you can keep your pink ribbons and limping round Hyde Park semi-nude at two in the morning in the driving rain.

The cure for breast cancer, it transpires in the (Lancet-lite) Daily Mail, is not the self-sacrifice of overnight half marathons or unfashionably coloured accessories. No, it's stuffing yourself silly with cake.

Here at P&F we like cake very much and can testify to its curative powers. Abusive clients, unpleasant journalists (ever met a nice one?), tyrannical bosses... all fade into the background in the face of the fruit of Mr Kipling's ovens. All you apparently need to add is cheese (and a dash of olive oil) for a perfectly balanced cancer-beating diet. And thus Greggs becomes an instant player in the health food market.

All this excitement is during National Chocolate Week, which seems to have largely passed the nation by. No choccie fountain in Trafalgar Square. No world's biggest Curly Wurly attempt. No flashmob munch-in at Bournville. Hardly a 'week' at all then. Though I see an enterprising American confectioner is now selling chocolate-covered bacon.

Sounds like a winning idea for the next of the Heston/Delia recipe cards, which, my foodie friends say, have become cult in North London. The rarest is Heston's Bang Bang Chicken, which was withdrawn for obvious reasons and now fetches a fortune on eBay.

Anyhow, just as we're ripping into our fifth packet of fondant fancies, killjoy Anastasia (Nervosa) pulls a Daily Mail from last month out of the files and reads out a story claiming that too much cake can shrink the brain. After brief reflection, the unanimous decision of the office is that a small brain and healthy tits are pretty useful attributes for an enduring career in PR.

And so the sixth packet is opened...

More from this column