Though now is clearly the time to launch badger flavoured crisps, maybe under the Packham’s brand, none of our clients has seized the opportunity. Apparently they fear the inevitable vegan hippy layabout backlash, though according to Daddy (who listens to Radio 4), all the spokespeople sound too stoned to interfere too much with the wheels of commerce.

So turning our backs on a proposed ‘Sett Nest & Burrow’ British wildlife range (‘All the flavours of nature, hand-culled for freshness’), we try to think of ways to promote Tesco’s ‘let’s put punters’ faces on packs of spuds’ initiative. Ignoring worries that Tesco’s consumers may not be sufficiently dazed by celebrity to want to take part, or indeed that having your mug on some supermarket potatoes is in any way a positive thing, we come up with a ‘match the skin’ promo. The family whose complexions most closely match the product get the gig. Miranda thinks the Rooneys (led by Wayne, not Coleen) are a shoo-in, though some of my clients could easily rival a King Edward for blotches and bumps.

Karoline (with a K) (pink fir), lit upon the launch of FTN in The Grocer last week. The drink supposedly slows ageing, though can’t actually make such outrageous, unapproved claims on pack. That hasn’t deterred K though, eager to try anything that could get her back to, say, a scrubbed Jersey Royal. We are trying to work out what FTN stands for when Terry from the post room walks in and cuts to the chase with “F*** This Nonsense”.

Such incisive thinking may not endear him to PR girls, but it could earn him a place in any advertising agency strategic planning team.