You may call me Mystic Tit this week as I peer into the balls of the 2013 PR world and try to crystallise a prophecy or two. This year, a minor celebrity will declare their undying love for the great British banger during National Sausage Week, having hitherto forgotten to mention this to anyone. The £15,000 that helped jog their memory will not be thought relevant by the media.

A classic (ie slow-selling) brand will be ‘threatened’ with reformulation, prompting a groundswell of Twitter-enhanced protest among ‘die-hard fans’ (ie two junior account execs at the PR agency). This could be anything from Worcester sauce to shoe polish but the ensuing publicity will help it keep its Tesco listing for another six months.

A giant pork pie/arctic roll/throat lozenge will be baked/built in an attempt to get into the Guinness World Records. Despite the attendance of Melinda Messenger/Shayne Ward/John Conteh at the event, staged at enormous expense in Trafalgar Square, no media coverage is generated. Not even in the Daily Star.

Somebody will make the most expensive something. Nobody, other than the media, will buy it. A ‘new’ sandwich will be invented. Nobody will buy that either. Inspired by Kraft’s unlikely union of Philadelphia and Dairy Milk, other companies with too many brands will try to sweat a couple of them. Stand by for Old Spice Fixodent from P&G and Hellman’s Radox from Unilever.

Despite - or perhaps because of - all this, the marketing world will flourish, bringing wealth, career happiness and great sex to all senior account managers in London-based mid-ranking food and drink PR agencies. Happy 2013.