Bad night last night. Crashed out on the sofa after eating one too many Asda Smart Price 'Cheese' Footballs while watching Aerobics Aussie Style on catch-up TV. The sight of half a dozen trim Sheila s gyrating in spray-on Lycra is pretty hypnotic - you'd be surprised how difficult it is to fish those rancid snacks out of the tin using only one hand. I'll also confess I was pretty bushed after successfully covering my new boss Mandy's tracks once again.
Perhaps it was having to square away Russian oligarchs using my unlimited credit line at HM Treasury, but as I drifted off I found myself dreaming of the new Bond movie. In a bizarre twist of the uncon scious, this was not the rugged, cruel, calculating Craig Daniel in Quantum of Solace. No, this was the ragged, cruel, calculating Andy Bond in From Bentonville with Love.
The plot, fittingly, was slight. Agent Ginger is shocked to discover he is secretly being controlled by Death Inc , a vast and evil empire located in a remote desert plain in the dullest part of the U S. A man of principle, Ginger vows to destroy this malign outfit and its megalomaniac chief, agent W . But his plan is foiled when Moneypenny ( Kerry Katona) turns out to be a double agent working for shadowy e ast European crime syndicate Toschco.
Moneypenny secretly administers a powerful glycol-based narcotic (Extra Special Liebfraumilch) and Ginger is taken to a dank cellar at Toschco's Cheshki HQ. He headbuts his way out just as the psychopathic Lewshki (Dawn French) arrives to surgically remove his Clubcard.
Ginger makes his way to the Death Inc bunker and, disguised as a giant wiener, infiltrates the nerve centre of the complex. Things g et a little confused after that - something to do with a giant oct opus (Sharon Osbourne) and an army of Munchkin press officers, but I awoke in a cold sweat in the car park of the Clapham Asda. And, most chillingly of all, readers, I was about to go inside. n
Perhaps it was having to square away Russian oligarchs using my unlimited credit line at HM Treasury, but as I drifted off I found myself dreaming of the new Bond movie. In a bizarre twist of the uncon scious, this was not the rugged, cruel, calculating Craig Daniel in Quantum of Solace. No, this was the ragged, cruel, calculating Andy Bond in From Bentonville with Love.
The plot, fittingly, was slight. Agent Ginger is shocked to discover he is secretly being controlled by Death Inc , a vast and evil empire located in a remote desert plain in the dullest part of the U S. A man of principle, Ginger vows to destroy this malign outfit and its megalomaniac chief, agent W . But his plan is foiled when Moneypenny ( Kerry Katona) turns out to be a double agent working for shadowy e ast European crime syndicate Toschco.
Moneypenny secretly administers a powerful glycol-based narcotic (Extra Special Liebfraumilch) and Ginger is taken to a dank cellar at Toschco's Cheshki HQ. He headbuts his way out just as the psychopathic Lewshki (Dawn French) arrives to surgically remove his Clubcard.
Ginger makes his way to the Death Inc bunker and, disguised as a giant wiener, infiltrates the nerve centre of the complex. Things g et a little confused after that - something to do with a giant oct opus (Sharon Osbourne) and an army of Munchkin press officers, but I awoke in a cold sweat in the car park of the Clapham Asda. And, most chillingly of all, readers, I was about to go inside. n
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