Well, the posh frocks can stay in the wardrobe for another year. We have once again failed to make The Grocer MAP Awards shortlist, though we did increase our chances slightly this year by actually entering.

We had high hopes for our generic custard campaign - slogan ‘Life Isn’t Worth Living Without A Dollop’. It would have been a shoo-in had it not supposedly been responsible for the recent increase in the suicide rate. Still, Spots v Stripes hasn’t been listed, so the judges must have been sober for at least part of the time.

According to some feedback from one of Karoline (with a K)’s bezzy mates on the panel, it doesn’t pay to be too jokey with your entry titles. So the agency that called their crisis management entry ‘If the cap fits, it’s not Britvic’ didn’t stand much chance of claiming a prize for the soon-to-be Scots purveyor of tooth-rotting pop.

The news that Greggs will be despatching pork-based treats to ‘our boys’ across most of the Muslim world is no laughing matter either. It offers the prospect of sausage rolls as part of a Taliban charm offensive, with the emphasis less on the charm and more on the offensive for your average insurgent. My experience of the typical squaddie by the way (admittedly limited, but still indelible) is that any greasy foodstuff will be put to perverse sexual use.

I mention the ‘older people like weaker wine’ story to K, who won’t drink anything under 15% unless it has a double vodka added “to bring out the flavour”. But she’s still moaning about the Awards. “We should be on the shortlist,” she declares, “we are thought leaders!” Yes, but the wrong kind of thoughts.