Karoline (with a K) has, we think, gone krazy.
Ever since P&F was fired by the FSA she has been plotting its downfall and now, she tells us, in a slightly manic way and after a secret meeting with her old boyfriend "Slasher" Lansley ("big hands" apparently), that the end is nigh. All a bit disturbing.
We PR girlies are used to dealing with light and fluffy things, and have been wondering for months what the team of seven locked in the Room of Doom (that's what it says on the door) were up to. Now it's clear. They are a crack psych ops unit with a single goal. Tim "who he?" Smith's head on a (balanced) plate.
Hence the waves of negative news that will break over the bows of the good ship Food Standards as it slowly sinks over the next few weeks.
First up, did you know that they have bought 20,000 full-sized, fully functioning traffic lights, originally intended to be positioned outside stores to publicise their labelling scheme? Now they are all stacked up in the basement at Kingsway. Some of them get used on the disco at staff parties (no alcohol, no salty or fatty snacks).
The discovery of a Deirdre Hutton museum hasn't helped their cause either. It cost £36m to fit out and includes an animated display of Sudan 1 contaminating Worcester sauce (with a thick Brummie voiceover by Jeff "Baron" Rooker). Visitors are fed a partly cooked sausage to make the whole thing more interactive. Funnily enough the Krebs Experience feature has never worked.
So the lesson is, be nice to your agency or terrible things may result, especially if it's run by a madwoman.
Actually, the final nail in the FSA coffin was the revelation that the Meat Hygiene Service never washes its hands. Even after a wee! Ugh.
More from this column
Ever since P&F was fired by the FSA she has been plotting its downfall and now, she tells us, in a slightly manic way and after a secret meeting with her old boyfriend "Slasher" Lansley ("big hands" apparently), that the end is nigh. All a bit disturbing.
We PR girlies are used to dealing with light and fluffy things, and have been wondering for months what the team of seven locked in the Room of Doom (that's what it says on the door) were up to. Now it's clear. They are a crack psych ops unit with a single goal. Tim "who he?" Smith's head on a (balanced) plate.
Hence the waves of negative news that will break over the bows of the good ship Food Standards as it slowly sinks over the next few weeks.
First up, did you know that they have bought 20,000 full-sized, fully functioning traffic lights, originally intended to be positioned outside stores to publicise their labelling scheme? Now they are all stacked up in the basement at Kingsway. Some of them get used on the disco at staff parties (no alcohol, no salty or fatty snacks).
The discovery of a Deirdre Hutton museum hasn't helped their cause either. It cost £36m to fit out and includes an animated display of Sudan 1 contaminating Worcester sauce (with a thick Brummie voiceover by Jeff "Baron" Rooker). Visitors are fed a partly cooked sausage to make the whole thing more interactive. Funnily enough the Krebs Experience feature has never worked.
So the lesson is, be nice to your agency or terrible things may result, especially if it's run by a madwoman.
Actually, the final nail in the FSA coffin was the revelation that the Meat Hygiene Service never washes its hands. Even after a wee! Ugh.
More from this column
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