Most of my luddite colleagues on the front benches eschew the Interweb, soshul meeja, electric toasters and indeed all forms of IT unless it involves copping a massive bung for a billion-dollar database contract. But you'll be gratified to know that DRIP is at the very vanguard of the apex of the white heat of technology, whether it be the CCTV cameras in the ladies, the GPS tracker on the petty cash tin or the hybrid dual-fuel vacuum cleaner currently being test-driven by Mrs Rolfe the cleaner around the office acacia.

So it will come as little surprise to you that the Pumster is now on Twitter - yes, my little trouser chipolatas, you may enjoy my every thought and feeling in glorious hi-def binary burble. It's probably something like, but frankly I wouldn't bother. Regular readers will know I rarely have enough coherent thoughts to fill this column once a week, never mind rushing to my DingleBerry for a quick update every time I crack off a one-cheek sneak.

Lucky, then, our fearless retailers are keeping us all informed so royally. I was thrilled to find Asda also has a Twitter profile, so I rushed to see what pearls of insight Bondandybond and that inexhaustible seam of genius that is Bentonville's island outpost had provided (or 'tweeted' as the retarded Twitterati would have it).

Well, mercy me. Wheat and gluten-free mini pretzels are on special. Terry's Chocolate Orange for a quid. Fancy that. Asda's Twitter persona is being used not for social enlightenment, but to flog stuff! No wonder Bondy has acquired no fewer than 671 followers from the 60 million inhabitants of this fair country.

However, even this drivel is sheer poetry compared with Tesco's offering, which has one single tweet, appropriately enough highlighting the essential information that Easter eggs are half price. I'm not bloody surprised - they'll all be out of code by now, Tel.

If you can think of a use for this, be a dear and tweet.