But Aldi boss Paul Foley (anagram: Apely Foul) couldn't even be fudged to extend the glad tidings in person and is merely knocking 5% off all his bills and chucking them back in unfranked economy envelopes. Now that's a method that the Germans historically could have been proud of.
So now it seems that the suppliers are revolting, and I don't just mean Bakkavör and Northern Foods. Does it all ring a bell? Yes, it's the usual peasants' revolt beloved of all our noble grocers, and once the ringleaders have been isolated and their gonads rendered into Unspecified Gristle Salami they'll all be begging on hands and knees for their lousy livelihoods back.
There is a certain inevitability about it all - the perky little upstart becomes the jackbooted oppressor. And frankly after a couple of years in this job it's hard to feel a great deal of sympathy for any of them. They say we get the politicians we deserve (my own career is thus a shocking indictment of the British voter) and I reckon the supermarkets probably deserve their suppliers. So it's little wonder that your white label economy fish fingers are mainly sourced from Moldovan chiropodists. Certainly during the heyday of Pumsey's Price Palace my rule was that if I stocked it, I wouldn't eat it.
Luckily for Foul, this wouldn't cramp his style since Aldi doesn't actually stock anything you'd want to eat in the first place, a fact made all the more remarkable by his going on the record as saying "the bottom end of the market is not that attractive to us". Maybe the suppliers of "Champion" oven chips or "Carlos" frozen pizzas would argue that Foul hit bottom some time ago.