Delirious after hours of radio interviews sparked by the nationals' pillaging our preview of the Competition Commission report, I fell to fantasising about what Mr Blair might have penned to Mr Byers before they shot off on their annual breaks... Ciao, Stevie boy, Forgive the descent into Mediterranean vernacular, but Mr Campbell said I must brush up my Italian before I hob nob with those Italian peasants. I'm taking a break from wrapping Gordon's wedding present to remind you those three fat tomes on your desk from the Competition Commission are your required holiday reading. It's your chance to make up for recent misdemeanours. Not that I'm promising anything, but a reshuffle could be on the cards. So throw away the Janet and John books when you sit in your Frinton deckchair.Your job is to come up with a reason for us to chuck the book at those crafty supermarket Johnnies who've been doing their best to wreck our Rip-off Britain philosophies. I never wanted to accuse the grocers of ripping off my people. It was all Gordon's idea, so you and he had jolly well better go to the Brighton conference with some credible justification for it. And, of course, it needs to be something I can personally be associated with. We might force Tesco and Co to stick all their costprices on the internet. And, we could make them launch a trading code of practice. That would keep Ben Gill and his muckspreaders quiet. (The last time they trooped into Number 10, it cost Cherie £250 to clean the manure off the carpets.) Yes, I know that Denney woman from the IGD has been bending my ear with a voluntary code, but we've got to convince everybody it was really all my idea. Oh, and while you're at it, chivvy up Nick Brown to stop ingratiating himself with the grocers. He's getting a reputation for actually listening. Any more and I'll bring Jack Cunningham back.' A little too fantastic,perhaps? But on the other hand... Clive Beddall, Editor {{LETTERS }}