According to anecdotal research carried out by Karoline (with a K) at one of her (frighteningly butch) ‘Women in PR’ evenings, the biggest secret among the middle classes is nothing to do with wife-swapping or drug-fuelled Homes Under The Hammer parties. No, it’s putting Aldi gin into posh bottles - Tanqueray, Hendrick’s, but never Gordon’s - and passing it off as the good stuff. Of course, it helps that the Aldi spirit is now award-winning and also that it gets drowned in tonic. This rings true because we had to do the same trick for the launch of one of the innumerable boutique gins now coming to market when the ‘authentic London recipe’ turned out to be as delicious as Thameswater.

Miranda and I agree that you’d still need a bucket of the stuff before going out on a date with any of the food trade’s richest men, as listed in The Sunday Times. I’ve seen more attractive faces on the Crimewatch pinboard. Karoline has been a great fan of people lists ever since she appeared in PR Week’s ‘Formidable at 40’ chart, but that was quite a long while ago. They don’t do a ‘Superfluous at 60’ league.

All the best PR campaigns are built on alliteration. We’ve just launched Whelks for Wellbeing, which is a sort of seafood version of Help for Heroes, but without the charity angle. What we really need now is for someone to ‘do a Kensit’ as it’s now called, and get themselves endorsing a rubbery bivalve-based diet innumerable times on ITV. Not that darling Patsy looks like a rubbery bivalve, of course. Gosh, if I look like that when I’m her age, I’d be happy to attribute it to whichever client pays the most, just to keep up the treatments.

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