A new brief! We've been told by some pointy heads from Norwich to "make GM sexy".
Miranda comes up with an idea. "GM is Great Moos," she says, inspired by a story about 99% of cattle being fed GM soya.
"Happy cows thrive on it extra tasty beef, whiter than white milk, and so on..." She's about the age to have been fed a burger as a child by John Gummer, so this could signify the onset of BSE. And mad cow disease could spread like wildfire here.
Anyhow, Karoline (with a K) tells her to pull herself together and "stop talking bollocks".
Appropriately enough, because Juanita who cleans the flat told me gooseberries are named after the Mexican word for testicles. A sad indictment of Mexican manhood I thought, but I put it in our British Gooseberry Month press release. Turns out that she meant avocados (that's more like it Pablo!). Got me into terrible trouble with the client: "We pay you to get the facts right, darling." I didn't say so, but I'm not sure that's strictly true.
What is clear though, is that the summer is marked by PR seasons. Starts with rhubarb, then asparagus, strawberries, Mexi-balls (as I shall now know them) and a brief burst of samphire before the cherries appear. Of course, no-one in the real world cares a cobnut (September) about this, but it makes clients feel good.
We may not need our GM campaign anyway. Saw Caroline (with a C) Spellbound on the news looking like a British rabbit caught in the EU headlights. Clearly spooked by the prospect of an uprising of metric martyrs denied the chance to buy cream horns by number.
Anastasia's new boyfriend - dull, environment wonk - has told her there's a deal on the way: we'll open the GM floodgates as long as we can keep the dozen for doughnuts. Sounds like a crowd pleaser.
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Miranda comes up with an idea. "GM is Great Moos," she says, inspired by a story about 99% of cattle being fed GM soya.
"Happy cows thrive on it extra tasty beef, whiter than white milk, and so on..." She's about the age to have been fed a burger as a child by John Gummer, so this could signify the onset of BSE. And mad cow disease could spread like wildfire here.
Anyhow, Karoline (with a K) tells her to pull herself together and "stop talking bollocks".
Appropriately enough, because Juanita who cleans the flat told me gooseberries are named after the Mexican word for testicles. A sad indictment of Mexican manhood I thought, but I put it in our British Gooseberry Month press release. Turns out that she meant avocados (that's more like it Pablo!). Got me into terrible trouble with the client: "We pay you to get the facts right, darling." I didn't say so, but I'm not sure that's strictly true.
What is clear though, is that the summer is marked by PR seasons. Starts with rhubarb, then asparagus, strawberries, Mexi-balls (as I shall now know them) and a brief burst of samphire before the cherries appear. Of course, no-one in the real world cares a cobnut (September) about this, but it makes clients feel good.
We may not need our GM campaign anyway. Saw Caroline (with a C) Spellbound on the news looking like a British rabbit caught in the EU headlights. Clearly spooked by the prospect of an uprising of metric martyrs denied the chance to buy cream horns by number.
Anastasia's new boyfriend - dull, environment wonk - has told her there's a deal on the way: we'll open the GM floodgates as long as we can keep the dozen for doughnuts. Sounds like a crowd pleaser.
More from this column
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