That odd swishing sound you’re hearing is the collective rubbing together of PR people’s hands in collaborative glee at the eggy face of the BBC. Anyone in this business could tell you about BBC editorial standards, long before Newsnight demonstrated that they are making them up as they go along. Several of our clients have featured in recent editions of Rip Off Food, the corporation’s consumer rights beacon (well, it’s got a bright orange Gloria Hunniford in it). The form is always the same.

You receive an abusive letter from a BBC researcher accusing your brand of numerous mortal sins. There’s a grudging invitation to respond in the unlikely event that you have any excuse for making your product a) too tasty or b) too appealing for the liking of the Beeb’s self-appointed anti-brand police. This may be read in 10 seconds at the end of the show after half an hour of groundless trashing, just to make sure everything’s ‘fair’ and ‘balanced’. Still, it bumps up the value of the monthly coverage summary.

Don’t mention the c-word. No. I mean ‘controlwear’, as newly introduced by George at Asda. Sorry, but anyone reduced to buying reinforced knickers from Asda has no shame. I know we’re supposed to be in a recession and that, even in PR, over are the days of saying “Oh, I’ll have both pairs” when you can’t decide between the Louboutins and the Choos. But I mean, there are limits. I’d rather go commando than squeeze myself into that lot. If the Asda range has indeed been “chosen by you”, I’m assuming it’s the grubby man that loiters by the doughnuts in the Colindale store and leers at pretty PR girls, who made the decision.