Clients and prospective clients often get us to sign an NDA. They think it means we won’t share their secrets, but in fact it stands for “Now darling, actually….” which is what PR people say to each other just before they reveal all sorts of sensitive information.
And so it was at Kandypants last week the PR hangout for cutting-edge communicators. This being the pitching season, there were even more indiscretions flying around than usual. I now know about the olive oil brand that is so mean it asked its new agency to work for nothing for a year; about the dairy industry finance chief who will only sign off invoices after a night at Spearmint Rhino, and the home baking marketing director who always brings a briefcase full of white powder that isn’t flour to agency meetings, but doesn’t share.
Some of our clients didn’t seem so bad after this. Though for how long we’ll have a tea brand to work on is anyone’s guess. Apparently the youth (anyone aged under 40, for Telegraph readers) are shunning the cup that cheers. We, the fickle and flighty, have had our heads turned by fizzy pop and new-fangled drinks like coffee. Tea is heading the way of marmalade into the cabinet of culinary curiosities.
This is, of course, where PR can help. We’re great at getting people to eat and drink things they don’t really like for one reason or another. Why else would ‘super broccoli’ be marching triffid-like up your high street at the moment? It’s not because of its taste.
So tell young people that tea is, say, a natural protection against STDs and they’ll drink it by the bucketful. In fact Tetley could launch a chlamydia blend. They’ve tried everything else. But of course I can’t discuss any of this. I’ve signed an NDA.