Ever been in a meeting with someone who can talk? I mean talk the hind legs off 12 donkeys. If so, you’ll recognise that feeling of ‘here we go again’. There’s one in every office: why use 24 words when you can use 240?
The University of Arizona found that, on average, we speak about 16,000 words per day. Talkative people manage 124,000! That’s eight times more, and it’s often a sign of anxiety: these people so want to be heard. The problem is that the exact opposite happens. They talk to be heard but as people tune out, they are heard less.
In business, talkers are a problem. Others aren’t able to contribute, meetings likely run over and decision-making is slowed down. Meanwhile, the talker earns themselves a bad reputation and sees their influence reduced, even if they’re coming up with good ideas. How much is lost in business because of this problem?
Are you a talker? First, recognise the problem yourself. Ask yourself these questions:
- Do people give you short and closed answers?
- Do you over-explain?
- Do you rarely get follow-up questions?
- Do people seem to interrupt you more than other people?
- Do you do most of the talking in a meeting?
- Do you find that when you explain something, you explain all the details?
If you found yourself answering yes to even some of the above questions, consider why. People give closed answers because they are not engaged. A lack of follow-up questions may be people protecting themselves from a further 10 minutes of talk. Set yourself three challenges:
- Begin assessing people’s body language when you speak to identify if they are engaged or not. If they pull their ears, they want you to stop.
- Aim for 50:50 in your conversations. You speak half and they do the same.
- Before a meeting, choose one message you want to get across, and communicate just that.
And if you’re dealing with a talker? Be kind, but tell them with a sentence like: ‘In the meeting, you covered a lot of detail, but that meant others didn’t get a chance to jump in.’
Interrupt their flow by asking questions and listening to the answers. And, for selling and collaborations, ask to compare your set of actions versus theirs – to highlight the differences in what you heard and what they heard.
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