bogof portrait one use

So. Farewell, then. Looks like I will soon be consigned to the Elysian Fields of promotional activity, where Green Shield Stamps frolic gaily with Esso 1970 World Cup Coins, and Threefors gambol hand-in-hand down the verdant aisles of Britain’s Biggest Discounter (Tesco, allegedly).

Yes, Mike ‘Little Deuce’ Coupe has sounded my death knell, banishing me and my twin brother from the shelves. We were inseparable, though we used to fight like cat and dog over which one of us was actually free, whether we were both being reduced to half our former selves and who would end up in the food recycling bin first (better than the alternative, but anyway).

Doubtless, the terminally smug denizens of Which? Magazine (currently offering a trial subscription for £1, thus substantially overvaluing the contents and also representing a fantastic Buy One, Get £9.75 Free deal) are claiming victory, but in truth ‘tis a sad day.

You see, there’s something quite honest about a Bogof (this entire magazine page notwithstanding). You buy one, and you get another. But the bleeding hearts of the consumer patronisation industry have decided this is just too difficult for Mrs Miggins, as innumerate as she is odd-smelling, to understand. Why not just halve the price, they say?

Duh. Why not just double everyone’s salary or revalue the pound at 200%? Or whatever. In a world where promotional funding is more or less fixed (unless you’re an Asda supplier, in which case good luck), in what ways are alternative means of confusing the customer so much better?

I die, I die! But, as Match & More said when terminated by David ‘Crack’ Potts - I’ll be back.