For a few years, recently deceased Hollywood legend John Hughes perfectly captured what it was like to be a (white, rich, good-looking) teenager (from Chicago) in the 1980s.

He even pioneered the 'ugly duckling becomes glamorous, popular swan with zany best friend and all-consuming sexual appetite' trope through getting his parade of gorgeous female leads to gasp! remove their glasses at a key juncture of the Senior Prom. Heinz's new Salad Cream ad uses similar trickery, as a suspiciously glamorous granny magically 'transforms' her young charges' fish-fingers and jacket spuds with a liberal dose of the yellow stuff.

But her guilty demeanour and the 'wicked witch' music leave you wondering: a) has she laced the Salad Cream with MDMA? and b) how did she find time to abduct the children, lure them into her gingerbread house and cook them dinner all at once?

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