A crisis of digital confidence at P&F: some of our clients have had the cheek to question whether spending 80% of their PR budget on Facebook ads, incompatible apps and online game placements is effective.

"Butt out old-timer, it's what the kids want," seems to be our considered strategic response so far.

It's probably better value than the Potato Council's new EU-funded Many Faces of Potatoes effort. The first problem is the whole idea which sounds like a bad translation from the Flemish. The second is that the words potato and face in the same sentence instantly conjure up images of Wayne Rooney.

Karoline (with a K) claims to have slept with George Best in his prime, which means she's probably old enough to appeal to wee Wayne now. However, as she says, and as as any working girl near the Man U training ground will no doubt confirm, shagging footballers is all very well, but you can't get the smell of liniment off your legs afterwards.

Meanwhile Chelsea lover (and Miranda's role model) Nigella is being all plus-size and pouty in the papers again with a new book and TV show to plug 'Recipes From The Bottom Of My Barrel'. Disappointingly though, she turned down our invitation to be the public face of prunes in next year's generic campaign, provisionally titled 'And Get Off The Pot'. £35k and as many prunes as you like (ie not many) failed to do the trick.

While on TV stars, I forecast endless repeats of I Love Lucy in the ITV winter schedule now that Ms Never-Wrong has joined the board. Actually, it's easy to make the TV/grocery connection: BBC2 is Waitrose (PR girl posh), BBC1 mimics Sainsbury's (resented/tolerated) and so on.

Even when you get to ITV4+1 (Lidl), the comparisons still fit (directionless and shedding audience).

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