In an audacious bid to seem interesting, the wise elders of Milton Keynes have tabled a plan to ban chewing gum from the city.

A coalition of citizens and councillors have had enough of the unsightly mess gum makes of their otherwise flawless locale. After conducting research that presumably only a group ‘formed to promote the Milton Keynes experience’ has time for, the After8 group claimed it had found 22 pieces of gum on just one square foot of pavement. And cleaning it up apparently costs the council hundreds of thousands of pounds a year.

If the ban goes ahead, Milton Keynes is considering implementing £80 fixed penalty fines. But is this punitive enough? Singapore is an obvious exemplar, and its gum smugglers have been fined thousands and even faced jail. Time to erect a wall and declare MK an independent state, is it not?