Knowledge is power, and questions are the route to knowledge. So imitate your hairdresser and ask plenty - but don't forget to listen

Questioning is a key skill for any negotiator, and we have all been taught the benefit of asking open rather than closed questions. So why do we find it awkward to think of the right questions?

While having my hair cut, I recognised that my hairdresser seemed to have perfected the art of asking open questions. With little pressure and no particular aim, he subjected me to half an hour's fluent questioning about my holiday, my weekend and my opinions on the latest films.

When we use questions in negotiations, we are not aimlessly passing the time of day. Initially we may build a rapport and establish a flow of information to allow trust and dependency to flourish. Any insight gained into the other party's position may help us prepare our future proposals.

We may also use our questioning skills to challenge the other party's position or proposal. It is possible the questioning will provide information that changes the balance of power between us and them. Information is power.

In our negotiations we always have a target outcome, and getting the deal done is normally more attractive than reaching a deadlock. The desire to get the job done is evident on both sides of the table, and creates pressure and stress that limits our normal conversational abilities, making us struggle to think of the next question.

Practice, of course, makes this easier over time, but there are other practical steps you can take to help you improve the quality of your questioning.

Firstly, you need to prepare: what information do you not know about the other party, and why may that be useful to you? What are their commercial pressures and how important is time to them? You may suspect there is a weakness that the other party is trying to hide from you - can you confirm it without harming the relationship?

You need to listen. Don't get too caught up in the process of planning your next question - you'll miss the information you were trying to uncover. Listen to their answer. It will often beg the next question.

Avoid using killer questions. If you ask "Is that the best you can do?", or "Is that your final offer?" then the other side is only ever going to say "yes". You will have limited their ability to move towards you without damaging their credibility. A powerful question you may choose to use is "under what circumstances could you...?"

However, beware the temptation to interrogate. You want to avoid making the other person feel as if they're in the dock. Making your questioning conversational is the best way to get information. And if you need a quick refresher, you could always get your hair cut.n

Graham Botwright is a partner with The Gap Partnership specialising in commercial negotiation consultancy and development solutions.